Crazy title I know, but it’s the truth. Everything doesn’t effect everyone the same way. So this story today is based on my experiences. With that said, let me to do what I do and be 100% transparent.
Two weeks ago I wrote about my interest in creating a solid uniform for myself so I could be freed from the decision of what to wear. I learned that some successful entrepreneurs and high esteemed people did this to avoid decision fatigue. It sounded good, but then I decided to go deeper into why I desired this for myself.
I’ve been making capsule wardrobes for years, yet an underlining stress presenting my wardrobe online developed.
Most people aren’t curating a wardrobe to share online for all to see. Selecting each item was time consuming to say the least. I’d later spend hours washing, steaming, photographing, editing and organizing the photos, writing about it, and then promoting on social media. All of this time and effort for one article about clothing. The process around curating and sharing my wardrobe was stressful and consuming me.
Once my capsule wardrobe was complete, the satisfaction of an awesome color scheme, the perfect number of items, etc. seriously deserved the side eye.
I realized I had an inordinate affection for clothing. If anything was getting in the way of me following Christ, it needed to go. Because of this I’ve decided that posting my capsule wardrobe online wasn’t for me anymore. My wardrobe would no longer need to be “perfect” or paraded for others to see. My desire to inspire others wouldn’t be to my own detriment.
Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes?”
I was thinking about why clothing was so consuming for me. It all came down to 14 years as a professional dancer, 12 of them in Hollywood. Nothing can be as tormenting to how you think than being in the Hollywood entertainment business. Being type casted constantly had a lot to do with it.
Type casting is a form of overt discrimination where you are eliminated from “interviewing” for a job based on how you look.
It really messes with your psyche especially how it is done to dancers. Dancers line up by the masses and the choreographer, producer, or director will decide if you will audition based on whether they like your look. They come over to each dancer and whisper in your ear “thank you” which means you can leave or “please stay”. The excessive time spent getting dolled up feels wasted when you can’t even audition. When you’re in it, you think it’s normal, but having been on the outside long enough makes me know otherwise.
The countless years of sweat and tears in the dance studio comes second to having the right look.
If you are kept and get the job, then great. But the hurdles never end. On the job you are often made to feel insignificant and replaceable, so the need to stay on your game only increases. Years of enduring this creates vanity both from insecurity and false confidence. In the big picture vanity is worthless, not truly important in life or to God.
I still believe in looking presentable, but I don’t need to focus intensely on it. So I took my wardrobe off the pedestal, and decided to quiet the need of sharing capsule wardrobes just because I did it before. I no longer feel I need a uniform at this time either as it would keep me in the mode of “perfecting“ a wardrobe that doesn’t need any more of my attention. It’s minimalist enough and doing just fine on its own.
It’s just clothing.
I know my value is more than that. I will write more on modesty as I am led, yet I’m grateful for this revelation. It has freed me from being captive to a very unnecessary cycle. I hope that this will speak to you about anything in your own life that may seriously need the side eye and deliverance.
Image by Dawn Michelle