Let’s just be 100% real right now. People sometimes do shitty things! Sometimes their actions are conscious, and other times they have no idea how their actions truly effect another. This by no means excuses what they did. Their behavior is despicably unacceptable. Forgiving them regardless will free you to attract greater health, beauty, happiness, love, and abundance in your life. This is why forgiveness is so important!
I’ve learned overtime that holding onto pain and spite because of another’s actions only causes me more pain and spite down the road. It never harms the other person the way I initially thought. Holding onto anger, spite, and pain creates festering sores emotionally and physically. This can lead to all sorts of physical diseases and illnesses.
What Goes Around Does Come Around
Everything in life is energy. Just know that the other person or persons who behaved in unimaginable ways is most likely dealing with the repercussions of their behavior even if you don’t know it. Ill behavior is like investing in bad life energy.
This kind of ill behavior only creates more unhappiness and other unfortunate experiences in life. I’m not necessarily talking about karma, but more about how you actually feel moving through life. Feeling bad only attracts more negativity. I will never forget the phrase “Hurt people, hurt people.” The process of forgiveness also includes forgiving yourself for whatever you feel you could have done differently in life.
Consciously Feeling Pain Helps To Release It Quickly
Let me share some of the ways that I have healed from past pain and trauma. For starters I have chosen to feel everything. Experiencing negative emotions fully truly sucks sometimes. I’ll be honest, it truly sucks all the time… in the beginning. Yet it allows me to process things more quickly by addressing whatever is coming up.
I don’t use alcohol, drugs, sugar, overeating, shopping, or other vices to soothe and quiet how I am feeling. I completely understand why people do go that route though. Eating excessive amounts of sugar and shopping used to be my coping methods, but I gave them up. I’ve also cried so much during the forgiveness process that I thought I was going to break.
My Forgiveness Process
For starters I make the conscious decision that I am going to begin the forgiveness process no matter how long it takes. Usually I will begin my forgiveness process by journaling and writing down everything that I am feeling. This helps me to analyze my emotions and to simply vent. Next I will write a letter to the offender, and I give them a piece of my mind completely and uncensored. I don’t ever send the letter. Instead I burn it.
Please use caution when burning anything. Ideally you would have access to a fireplace. I tried burning a letter over the kitchen sink with a lighter, and the smoke caused the apartment fire alarm to go off. I had to frantically run around, open up all of the windows, and turn the fans on hoping not to have to explain my actions to anyone. Luckily that was the extent of it, but please use caution.
On another day I’ll create the intention to release pain from my body through physical activity. For me this usually means dancing. I’ll either dance at home until I’m exhausted, or I’ll go to class knowing there is always the possibly of breaking down in public. If I’m really emotional I can always slip out unnoticed. Other times other dancers don’t even see the few tears since everyone is so invested in themselves and the experience of class.
Dance has always been my therapy of choice. You may prefer to do yoga (another favorite), running, boxing, martial arts, or another activity. Do whatever works for you.
Spending time in nature and taking sea salt baths also helps tremendously. It is critical to make sure that you are nurturing yourself through this healing process with clean foods, water, and adequate sleep. The forgiveness process can be intense so being gentle with yourself is critical.
I take time to think about what happened and look for the life lesson. This can be annoying when it is easier to stay angry. Prayer and meditation is where I turn for this step. This seldom comes easily and other times it doesn’t come at all, at least not right away. This is just another way that I try to achieve peace over the situation.
My final process is “rewriting” the story so that if I speak about this situation (even to myself) I am no longer being a victim. Instead I take my power back, decide what healthy boundaries are necessary to avoid such circumstances in the future, and rebuild my self worth. I am sure that there are so many ways to heal past pain and forgive, yet this is what I do.
For a quick recap on my forgiveness process…
2. Write an uncensored letter and burn it.
3. Set the intention to release pain from your body through physical activity.
4. Nurture yourself through the process.
5. Pray/meditate on the life lesson.
6. Rewrite the story where you become empowered.
I don’t forgive others for them, I do it for myself. Holding onto unforgiveness is like being an emotional bag lady. It’s too much energetic weight to carry through life. It makes you miserable. Plus it ages you and literally makes you sick! We all deserve to move through life as light as possible. There is already enough heaviness going on in the world.
It is consciously choosing to be as light, positive, and love-filled as possible to make your essence glow from the inside out. This is freedom!
(Image by Dawn Michelle)