(I’m working on my next long overdue article, yet this is such an awesome reread that I wanted to republish it. I hope you beauties are enjoying your summer!)
With every new phase in life, I find it so interesting that friendships can dramatically shift. I’ve finally learned not to mourn these shifts, and to just roll with it. I have met so many fascinating people so far in my life, and I know this is only the beginning. Why be sad when you realize that someone you thought was a good friend is no longer when there are so many incredible people on this planet?
There are different levels of friendships. Embracing them for what they are, and letting go when it is time is what helps during these transitions. Today I wanted to share three types of friendships that I’ve come across as well as the mistakes I’ve made. Distinguishing who people are in our lives has made this process so much easier for me.
Seasonal Frienships
Seasonal friends are the ones that you make because you are both doing the same thing in the same arena. These friends you make at school, at work, or in organizations that you are passionate about. Often when you leave these environments your friendships will naturally shift. It is usually what you had in common at the time that was a big part of the connection. It doesn’t make what was there no longer valid or special, it is just how life is. Some of these friends may linger past the transitions, but most will not.
Associates
Associates are people who make your day more pleasant with laughter and silliness. They may also be around to uplift you when you are going through something, but that isn’t their main role, and it most likely won’t be a normal occurrence. These are not the people to share very personal information with, and I found it better to keep things light in general. We are all here to help uplift each other, yet associates are not close enough to always be trusted with very personal information. Just keep it light and enjoy the company.
Soul Friendship
My mother always told me that I would be able to count my real friends on one hand. What I didn’t understand was that they wouldn’t necessarily all be in the same place at the same time. The idea of having a tribe made me believe that I would have a circle of soul friendships that would all hang out together on a deep loving level. Your tribe isn’t always in the same location or during the same continuous time of your life. Also these soul connections may not be the friends you hang out with as often as you’d like, but the time together will always be treasured. The connection is much deeper, and no matter how much time passes inbetween visits, it will feel like no time has passed at all.
Finding Your Tribe
My huge mistakes in the past has always been thinking everyone was a soul friendship. I trusted associates and seasonal friendships with personal information they were not capable of handling with care. I had my feelings hurt. Or I would be a soul friend to everyone else and have my kindness taken advantage of.
Once I learned to distinguish the different types of friendships, I realized that most of the people I met in life may not ever become part of my tribe, but that didn’t mean I could not learn from them or enjoy their company.
I’ve also learned to trust myself more and more by listening to my intuition. People often tell you exactly who they are in the very beginning if you pay attention. Anyone who speaks poorly of others, gossips, or is constantly complaining isn’t one who will become a soul friend no matter how much you may admire something about them.
If you are the one who often does those things, see what about your life is frustrating you so much that you can’t be happy. We are all so much more powerful than we think. We don’t have to give our personal power away to anyone or anything. Cultivating self worth allows us to be happier in life, find true friendships, and be better friends to others.
If you can only count your soul friendship on three fingers, you are still extremely blessed. After spending years in the performance industry around famous prestigious people, I have witnessed smoke and mirrors like most may never see. One may admire or even envy their money and fame, but it isn’t what most people think it is so there is no reason to do either. There is a solid reason they call it “smoke and mirrors” in the first place. What you think you see really isn’t there at all!
Finding your tribe usually begins with self love first, then understanding that every relationship in our life is not meant to be a soul friendship. Distinguishing the difference allows us to find our tribe much more easily.
(Image by Dawn Michelle)
Sandy says
Good topic Dawn.
I found that familial and professional role changes can affect relationships too. People have to communicate about the amount of time one can realistically share with others. It seems the more roles you have the harder it is to balance time.
Also, ironically, telecommunications pose a challenge too. You’d think with the various ways to communicate that partnerships could deepen. But there are still people who don’t embrace communication of any form through through emails, chats or instant messages. That’s an issue to work out as well.
I’ve noticed a definite shift in this arena as well.
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Sandy,
Thank you! Healthy communication really is the foundation of any successful relationship. Yet it has to be a willing part by both parties. With all of the different ways to keep in contact, you would think it would be even easier. No matter how communication evolves, if it is with an open heart it will always be good. I hope that you are enjoying your summer!
Beckie says
Hi Dawn Michelle,
Welcome back!
One of the things you said that really struck me was not only to not expect everyone to be my soul friend but also don’t try to be everyone else’s soul friend. Wow, I never thought of it from that perspective!
I have been looking for a true soul friend for so long now that I try to be a soul friend to all of my new friends. When they don’t reciprocate in equal measure my feelings get really hurt.
Thank you very much for sharing this insight. I have a different perspective now. Rather than treating everyone like a soul friend, I think I will start off assuming they are either seasonal friends or acquaintances and wait to see if anything develops.
Thank you for your writings and photos. You have a gift!
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Beckie,
Thank you so much! It can hurt pretty badly to be such a loving friend to others and not to have it reciprocated. Been there done that way too many times. One sided relationships never feel good.
It doesn’t mean that you can’t be kind and loving, yet not everyone deserves for you to stop everything that you are currently doing and bend yourself inside out for them. It is just like when we first meet a romantic partner, it is good to take the time to really see who they are. I completely agree with you that it wouldn’t be a bad thing to do that with friendships too.
Have a great weekend!
Jess says
Wow! I’ve had ups and downs with friendships all my life and wondering why. I wondered if it was something wrong with me. I wondered if I wasn’t trying hard enough. I wondered if I’m just not suited to having certain types of friends. You’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head with the challenges I’ve experienced, and like you I have made the exact same mistakes. I thought everyone was a soul friendship, and I wanted everyone to think I was a soul friendship. I wanted a circle of friends that were all soul friendships. Your analysis of friendships makes absolute sense, and it’s as if suddenly I understand it all and feel okay about it. Thank you so much for your recent reflection pieces, they have truly been insightful.
I need to sit with this realisation a bit, but eventually I’m pretty sure I would like to write about it. I hope you don’t mind if I link to your post when I do.
xx
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Jess,
Not all relationships are created equal, just like not all jobs are dream jobs. I think that lots of people with big open hearts can make this same mistake. There is nothing wrong with having an open heart. An open heart is actually necessary to attract abundance, beauty, and love into our lives.
At the same time living with discernment is everything. When I first heard the word “discernment” I didn’t really understand it. What I love most about it though is that it is very empowering because you trust your instinct above everything else. Instead of floating around with only what others desire, you choose for yourself what is best for everyone involved including yourself most importantly. Also there is always room to share insights about any topic.
Best wishes!
Siobhan says
H,, thank you for this article, it made me see that there truly are different types of friendships. I see that I have wanted all new friends to become soul friends and thought that I was somehow at fault when it didn’t turn out the way I wanted.
Sometimes too friendships wax and wane, and is there a fourth group? A close yet distant one? Two friends I have known for years, and would have once thought soul friends. I see them regularly, one in particular is very kind hearted and will always help in an emergency. But I feel mentally less aligned and think at times sometimes I hid my true self, as if it was “wrong”. My choices in diet, opinions, how I live, poor relationship choices and what I accomplish has not felt good enough. Now I choose not to reveal too much rather than be misunderstood. Although I still value the friendships and would drop everything in a heartbeat if I was needed to help.
Anyone else experienced these feelings?
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Siobhan,
I’m sure there probably are more categories of friendships, yet I only wrote of three that came to my mind. Friendships can wax and wane especially when we go through different life changing experiences. It is sometimes hard to understand what people go through until we have a similar experience.
Also it is natural to feel protective of our lives when we see mistakes we feel we are making and don’t want to feel judged. In truth we don’t have to share everything in our world with others, even close friends. Do what feels best for you in each moment. Thanks so much for your comment and I am so glad that this article resonated with you!
Himawari says
Hi Dawn Michelle! (Do you prefer to be called Dawn Michelle or Dawn, by the way?)
I really enjoyed this post. I’ve tried to make every friend a soul friend in the past and it just didn’t work and I never really knew why, but over time I came to similar conclusions about the categories of friends.
Another thing that’s happened with time is that I’ve begun enjoying my own company so much that’s it’s hard to make time for just anyone. I always have to ask myself if I would have more fun going somewhere by myself to weigh if I actually want someone to go along. Maybe that sounds oddly selfish but that’s where I am now!
Thanks for the great perspective on this topic <3
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Himawari,
Being able to truly enjoy your own company is a beautiful beautiful thing. I don’t ever look at that as being selfish. It’s precious time to reflect and learn more about yourself. Being selective about who you spend time with is also a beautiful thing.
I’m so glad that you enjoyed this article too and I appreciate your comment as well. To answer your other question, Dawn Michelle feels more complete. Have a wonderful day!
Himawari says
Thank you so much for the lovely response. I’m learning that taking time for myself is necessary in order for me to maintain sanity and happiness! All my best <3
Dawn Michelle says
All the best to you too Himawari!
Dianne says
Hi Dawn,
I am currently without a soul friend and this post really opened my eyes that I don’t recall having one. I am currently 25 and I think that is a long time without one. I too have disclosed important information to seasonal friends and associates, but with the hope of becoming closer. That never worked. I also believe that self love first is key. I am on that journey and hopefully I’ll make a soul friend when I’m ready. Thanks for this post its given me hope to work on me and wait for life to send me a soul friend.
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Dianne,
I became much more clear about what a soul friend was with others when I became one to myself first. I’ve come to learn that the more I value myself the more others begin to value me as well. It is wonderful that you realize that disclosing personal information doesn’t create that connection with everyone. We all live and learn. Sometimes family members can be soul friends, yet take your time and as you said life will send one your way in the divine time. Thanks so much for your comment and have a beautiful day!
Joy says
What a wonderful, thoughtful post!
Dawn Michelle says
Thank you Joy! Have a beautiful day!
sandy says
This was a good read. I found that as one goes through major life changes, the deepness of relationship changes.
It takes quality time to nurture relationships but life changes can affect thst. Consider yourself blessed if you can preserve soulful relationships when time is limited. Technology was suppose to help with this. But in some cases it’s become an impediment when people can’t agree how to use it for the betterment of their communication.
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Sandy,
Thank you. What you said about technology is very interesting. I believe social media has in some ways hindered people truly connecting with each other. It is wonderful for sharing updates, yet updates is not nurturing a relationship.
Janine says
Thanks for republishing this one. This was helpful. I am open to finding my tribe of soul friends, however, I am also open to entertaining cool seasonal friendships. I am willing to place myself in locations/interest-based events where they can find me and I can find them.
Dawn Michelle says
Hi Janine,
Seasonal friends are amazing too. It’s just about not having unrealistic expectations. I think that can apply for all relationships though. I’m glad you liked the article and best wishes as you find your tribe!